More people in your life than time to give them is a fortunate tension.
The tension is a blessed one because we’re fortunate to be loved, needed, wanted or candidly, have anyone seek us out and want some time. That’s not overly self-deprecating, it’s a healthy perspective.
As leaders, our lives are more meaningful when we are helpful to others. It’s a privilege to get to encourage, care for, and develop people. And it’s God’s design to enjoy these relationships.
It’s a dangerous thing when a leader begins to see people as an interruption, a problem or “one more ask.”
But we do need to be honest about the tension.
One of the most artful, sensitive, and important things a leader does is making decisions about who he or she invests time with. We can’t see everyone, so how do we wisely “manage” the tension?
When it comes to time with people, leaders must be generous but not frivolous.
My first instinct about time with a person is “yes.” Then I look at my calendar, and it says “no.”
Somewhere between my heart’s desire and the reality of a finite amount of time, are time-related decisions that I must make as a leader, friend, husband, dad, and now, Papa.
I believe Jesus gives us great insight in this matter within the gospel accounts.
One of the primary principles we learn about time with people from Jesus is that we are to love everyone but must be intentional about where we invest our time.
If you try to make everyone happy you will fail miserably, and you will forfeit your own sense of well-being.
Even within His disciples, Jesus was closer to and spent more time with some than others. And I’m quite sure the “others” were not thrilled.
By “love everyone” I mean, in the moment, give 100% of your heart and attention to the person. It might be in a meeting, the lobby of your church, a restaurant, or the gym.
Be present. You may only have three minutes, but you can make a sincere and profound impact in that moment.
A brief prayer is one of the greatest “in the moment” investments you can make in anyone’s life. It’s truly a gift that resonates in Heaven and is realized on earth.
How can we best navigate this fortunate tension?
Ask yourself how you can create space for the people God brings into your life. That is a positive and intentional way to ask the question and may be a perspective changer for you.
Keep in mind everyone isn’t every day! This will help you reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed.
If you consistently give more than you take in your relationships, you will receive more grace than contempt when you don’t have enough time.
Practical aspects of creating space for the people in your life:
Family and friends
Family is the obvious priority, and the older you get the more you should know who your true and close friends are. Let them know you love them on a regular basis.
Now that I’m a “Papa” with three precious grandchildren, I’m ever so aware of how much every minute with them counts!
One practice I have, if it’s at all possible, is if a family member calls or texts I respond right away. It’s the simple things that make a difference.
With long-term or long-distance friends, sometimes a ten-minute phone call is a priceless gift to both them and you. Call today.
Don’t wait to reach out, take the initiative. Resist thinking, well, they haven’t reached out to me. You go first. Meaningful relationships are worth the investment!
Trusted Collaborators
Good leaders never lead alone.
This can be a very large group including people such as your close colleagues, mentors and coaches, prayer partners, staff and volunteers.
They are all important, and every moment with each one must be treasured. (Again, be present in each moment.) But who are the leaders you need more time with and why? Make it intentional.
You can be kind to everyone, but you can’t always have lunch or coffee. Don’t dismiss the value of a five-minute heart connect.
This changes with the ebbs and flows of life and ministry and requires consistent attention.
And though this does require some “management,” fight hard to resist making it mechanical or merely transactional. Relationships are meant to be enjoyed.
Relationships thrive from a heart connection, not merely strategic management.
New Relationships
Be sure to fight for margin to meet new people. This might seem contradictory. You have a shortage of time, so you add people?! Yes! The right people.
Leaders move forward with new relationships.
This does not mean some of your relationships are expendable and you cast them aside. But there is a natural rhythm to active and passive relationships.
Also, it doesn’t have to be dozens of new relationships, but if there are none over a period many months, that is a yellow flag.
Strangers in your path
A kind word, generous gift, cool cup of water or a sincere prayer are gifts the Holy Spirit wants us to give as He prompts you to connect with strangers along the way.
Sometimes we receive far more than we give in those moments.
Be receptive and open. Be aware of prompts by the Holy Spirit. Do for a few what you wish you could do for many.
Acquaintances
This is the largest group in most leader’s lives. They are wonderful people, and you’d love to have lots of time with them, but you can’t.
The tension remains. There is no easy solution. But there are several good questions you can ask yourself to help you know how to wisely invest your time.
Ask these 6 important questions:
1) Is your family your true priority?
Every family has differing needs. What does your family need? How do they best receive and experience your love for them?
2) What are your essential responsibilities?
What must you accomplish? Your essential responsibilities are non-negotiables. These are your core responsibilities both at home and work. Who needs your time?
When you have clarity here, you gain great clarity in where to invest your time.
3) What are your productive opportunities?
You can’t make progress if you only do the same things with the same people. What new opportunities is God bringing your way? Who are the people He wants you to engage in for those new opportunities?
4) Are you listening to God prompts?
No matter how intentional I try to be, there is a God-factor I can’t ignore. Sometimes I need to use my time in a way that might not make sense in the natural realm, but God is prompting me.
Do you look out for the “stranger” you might otherwise walk by with whom God has set up a divine appointment just for you?
5) Have you learned to say no and set healthy boundaries?
Sometimes leaders need to say no. It doesn’t mean we can’t help to meet the need, but there may be someone else who could meet the need and possibly better.
In this context of time, setting boundaries is the ability to connect and give your full heart, but hold the line for a shorter time frame.
A simple example: Have a 45-minute meeting instead of 90 minutes, or a 20-30 minute coffee instead of 60. This doesn’t mean be in a rush, it’s about a wise investment of time.
6) Who encourages you, invests in you and always has your best at heart?
Relationships are not meant to be purely intentional and strategic. God designed us to receive encouragement, grow from wise counsel, be blessed by kindness and enjoy time with others.
It’s good to embrace the fact that some people just bring you joy and add great value to your life. That’s a gift, so receive it, enjoy it, and express gratitude to God.
