7 Hidden Leadership Habits to Stop Today

Habits are powerful routines that guide your life.

We spend much of our lives working on positive, productive and consistent habits that help us become the person we want to be.

That becomes a meaningful question. What kind of leader (person) do you want to become?

For example, you may want to become a more grateful, encouraging and spiritually dynamic leader. What habits, behaviors and routines help you become that person?

Hidden leadership habits take up a subtle residency within us in a way that weakens our effectiveness. They derail us from becoming the person we want to be. It’s alarming that these behaviors can be embedded in our leadership practice in such a way that we aren’t aware. And even more unsettling, sometimes we do know and continue with the habits anyway.

Why do smart leaders continue in poor patterns and practices?

When we don’t know we’re doing it:

• We simply can’t see it. It’s a blind spot.
• We are not in the practice of self-reflection and personal growth.
• We lack an honest and wise friend or coach who will speak candidly.

When we do know we’re doing it:

• We see it, but don’t agree that it’s problem.
• We are unaware of how much damage it causes.
• We are under too much pressure to find margin to change.

Self-sabotage can sneak its way in and become part of hidden leadership habits.

Self-sabotage refers to behaviors and thought patterns that create obstacles and interfere with reaching your goals, maintaining your sense of well-being and becoming the person you want to be.

I’m always grateful when a trusted friend or mentor helps me see and solve a “hidden” habit.

Sometimes it’s about a fear or insecurity, other times it’s a blind spot that I’m unaware of. Regardless of the cause, the good news is that you and I can change, grow and become the leader we want to be.

The list of hidden habits is not comprehensive, but it represents seven of the most common. You may spot one of yours. If not, you can courageously ask a friend or mentor you trust.

Which of these speaks to you today?

7 hidden habits for leaders to stop doing:

1) Worrying about what others think

Worry is always a waste of time, especially if you worry about what others think of you.

While you lay awake at night feeling anxious, those you are concerned about are sound asleep.

Worrying about what others think of you is an endless and pointless drain on your leadership energy and significantly limits your overall capacity. This affects how you live your life and lead others. It effects your decision-making, self-belief and courage.

You will be misunderstood, you will make unpopular decisions, and not everyone will like you. Focus on what you can do that is good and productive.

The first step to overcoming worry is learning to discern the few that are genuinely worthy of your concern.

It’s not easy but let it go. That doesn’t mean you become callous and pretend you don’t care. It means seek wise counsel, do the right things, and keep making progress.

2) Delaying difficult conversations

If you’ve been leading for a while, you know that putting off a tough conversation only makes it worse.

You will likely imagine it more difficult than it will be, which depletes your confidence and the delay allows the problem to become larger. In fact, it often invites the problem to become larger.

Don’t move so fast that you are not prepared, but facing the tough conversation increases your confidence (from the found courage) and overall leadership effectiveness. How does that work? In your gut you know you are doing the right thing. Now you can focus on doing it the right way.   

When you have the difficult conversation, you feel a sense of accomplishment, a boost to your sense of value, and it removes roadblocks that prevent progress.

3) Arriving highly unprepared 

I know what it’s like to have a full schedule with many things required and a to-do list that is never done. It’s tempting to show up unprepared, and seemingly justifiable with all the demands a leader carries, but it’s never a good idea. 

Showing up unprepared doesn’t remain unnoticed for long. It’s hidden in that we try to fake it. We use question-asking skills and embrace empowerment, when much of it is a cloak for not being prepared.

From the next talk you’ll give, to a meeting you’ll lead, the anxiety caused by not being prepared drains far more mental and emotional energy than what was needed to prepare. And of course, you never feel good about it afterward. 

4) Valuing results over relationships

As a leader, you are expected to produce results and simultaneously develop relationships. That is a never-ending challenge.

Allowing the pressure to produce results to rise above the value of relationships always results in unintended negative outcomes.

Focusing on results over relationships may seem expedient in the moment, and justified by the progress, but over the long haul, it’s a costly mistake.

This does not mean you allow an unhealthy relationship to hijack your leadership, but taking the time to care about someone is always the right thing.

You will never regret genuine nurture and cultivation of meaningful relationships. This can include just a few moments in the lobby with a first-time guest to months or years of mentoring a new leader.

5) Expecting mind-reading from your team

There are two items on this list that speak to me personally, and this is one.

In some strange way, I have occasionally caught myself assuming others around me should know what I’m thinking. Perhaps I have allowed myself to assume something like, “Well, we’ve worked together a long time, they should know.”

No, they shouldn’t.

That kind of faulty assumption dilutes influence and effectiveness and it’s often counterproductive. If left unchecked over time, it can cause conflict.

The hidden habit of expecting others to know what you are thinking will frustrate them and limit honest conversation.

Speak up, make yourself clear, and let those you work with know what you’re thinking.

6) Micro-managing the details

Common Micro-management habits:

• Frequently asking questions such as:
  • “Where are you at on the project – is it done?”
  • “Did you call Bob yet?
  • “Let me take one more look at it before you print.”
• Reluctance to delegate and empower.
• Requiring input to how something is done, not just what is done.
• Requiring approval for minor decisions, creating leadership bottlenecks.

How are these hidden habits?

It’s common for leaders to be unaware of micro-management behaviors because they care deeply about their team and the work. They are hidden from the leader.

It’s easy to confuse caring with controlling, which can lead to micro-management.

Micro-management isn’t birthed from an over-zealous need for power and control; it can stem from a leader who carries a deep sense of responsibility but hasn’t learned to fully trust.

Micro-management can come from someone who truly cares but also carries overriding fears or insecurities.

It’s when we have learned about our micro-managing habits and choose to continue, that the problem escalates to another level.

Steps to move away from Micro-management:

• Self-awareness and acceptance
• Understanding the counterproductive outcomes
• Begin letting go by trusting one person at a time with greater responsibility

7) Living life with zero margin

“Margin is the space that exists between ourselves and our limits.”

Richard Swenson, M.D.

Another way to say it is “Margin is the space between our load and our limits.”

Margin isn’t idle wasted time; it’s about creating space that allows you to be more productive by giving your best time to your highest priorities.

When you have no margin and you’re under pressure, you get stressed out. This results in poor decisions and quality drops because you’re forced to cut corners and you often feel like you’re behind.

Perhaps worst of all, the quality of your relationships begins to decline, and you forfeit the ability to develop others.

Margin is the topic of many articles and books, such as the one written by Dr. Richard Swenson titled Margin. Margin is the other one I’ve worked on. So allow me to offer three priority choices for re-gained margin:

• Pray time
• Think time
• Play time

Can you feel the ability to breathe a little more by just those three priorities finding space in your calendar?

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Which one of these hidden leadership habits most needs your attention?