The Art of Being Mentored

My friend and mentor, John Maxwell, has written and spoken about being mentored by the great coach John Wooden among others.

Hearing this, a pastor asked me these questions: “How does one go about getting the greatest NCAA coach as a mentor? Did he (Maxwell) just ask for regular meetings and what does mentorship look like?” 

Good questions.

I will admit that getting John Wooden as a coach is an extraordinary circumstance involving an extraordinary leader. But on the other hand, John Maxwell didn’t start there. It was only after nearly 30 years of successful leadership that John was able to connect with Coach Wooden.

It was John’s desire to grow along with his great passion to add value to people’s lives that made the difference. The fact that John is a tremendous student is also a very significant part of the story.

Over the years I’ve wondered which is more important – to have a great mentor or to be a great student? The easy answer is both. But more and more I think the secret resides in being a great student.

You can have the most brilliant mentor in the world, even a famous one, but if you aren’t ready to pay the price, dig in, learn and change, it won’t matter.

There are many stories of men and women receive an hour or so of someone’s time who arrived ill-prepared. They had no written questions. They talked more than listened. It was almost as if they had some time to kill and thought it might be fun.

The following 4 guidelines will help you experience a meaningful and productive mentoring relationship.

1) Be good at something first.

This might sound strange, but you need to be good at something before you ask someone to help you be great at something.

You can be good at anything! You might be a competitive athlete, or really strong in math or technology. Maybe you shine brightly in the arts like music or production, or perhaps you’re a truly creative cook and the foodies seek you out!

Here’s the point, if you are really good at something, you have evidenced the passion, discipline, and potential necessary to become truly great at what you want do.

Demonstrate to a mentor that you are serious about learning, growing and becoming a better leader.

2) Think intentionally organic.

When you make an ask of someone to mentor you, resist the temptation to ask for regularly scheduled meetings, for example, monthly or quarterly. You may lose a potential mentor that way.

Go for a more intentionally organic approach.

Here’s what I mean. When you are a good student, (you prepare, practice what you learned, and measure your growth) you’ll be surprised at how much you can accomplish in two or three substantive conversations a year. You need that much time to practice what you learned between meetings.

The word intentional refers to staying strategic and on purpose, and organic simply means to catch the meetings when it works out naturally in both your schedules.

A transformational mentoring experience requires good chemistry within the relationship, a generous spirit in the mentor, and a disciplined work ethic in the one mentored.

Also keep the “calendar math” in mind. If you have for example, two mentors, and you connect with each one two-three times a year, that’s four to six, conversations. It’s challenging to absorb and practice more than that.

Note:
There is a difference between being coached and being mentored.

There certainly is an overlap between the two, yet there are distinctives to each.

• Coaching typically deals with a more immediate focus on specific professional skills, practices and outcomes along with healthy personal life rhythms. This relationship is usually more structured.
• Mentoring typically deals with broader, lifelong wisdom and guidance for personal and professional development. This relationship is usually more fluid and organic.

3) Practice being mentored.

A common aspiration is to think: “If I’m seeking a mentor, I’m going right to the top and get the very best.” I appreciate that you think big, but that may not be the best approach for you.

For example, if a pastor who serves in a church of 400 seeks a mentor who pastors a church of 4,000, the current realities of both leaders are in two different places.

Yes, the leadership principles are the same and the wisdom of a pastor in a much larger church can be very helpful, especially because of their depth of experience.

But if it’s true that being a good student of leadership is vital to your growth as a leader, then practicing being mentored is part of the art and essential to your progress.

Early in your growth process, it’s a good idea to be mentored by someone whose current leadership experience is closer to yours and just a little ahead of you.

Note: If God clearly brings you an incredible mentoring opportunity, receive it. But in general, someone a little in front of you is a good start.

4) Work harder than your mentor.

If you are fortunate enough to have a good mentor, use their time well.

• Know your dreams and desires.
• Define the key problems you are solving and pressures you carry.
• What growth breakthroughs do you need? Etc.

Your mentor will help you sharpen these but give them significant thought first.

Show up with well thought through, current, and specific questions. Take notes. Work hard to practice what was discussed, and the next time you talk, tell him or her what you have done. (How it went.)

A good mentor will always have some questions, a resource or two, along with good advice and wisdom from experience, but the mentoring is more your job than theirs.

You set the agenda and come with it in writing. Your mentor will add to the agenda in response to the conversation.

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I’ve been blessed with great mentors over the course of my life and I’m grateful! I’m sure that’s part of the reason I’m eager to pass on as much as I can. I trust that you will also pass on what is given to you.