5 Signs of an Insecure Leader

No one intuitively wants to follow an insecure leader.

Here’s the challenge; all leaders have moments of insecurity.

We gain our biblical understanding of fear and insecurity from Genesis chapter 3:1-10. (There is more to it, such as family background, etc. but let me focus on the origin.) When sin entered the relationship between the first couple and God, they knew they were naked and covered themselves.

They were afraid, and they hid.

Let’s pick up the story starting with verse six.

⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. ⁷ Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. [Insecurity]

⁸ Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

¹⁰ He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

Genesis 3:6-10

Before sin, there was no fear. There was no insecurity.

It is now part of humanity.

However, we are not captive to it. II Corinthians 5:17 makes it clear that we are a new creation in Christ. The old has gone, and the new has come. Redemption restores our relationship with God and includes the potential to reduce fear and insecurity brought on by original sin.

A redeemed life doesn’t remove fear and insecurity entirely, but as we mature and find freedom in Christ, they can become a relatively small issue to manage.

As true as that is, it’s not always easy. Personal doubts creep in, criticism takes its toll, fatigue plays a part. These kinds of things allow us to become prey to insecurity (or fear).

One thing that has helped me in this journey is discovering there is a big difference between experiencing an insecure moment and being an insecure person. All leaders have insecure moments. Of course we do. When you are leading you are taking new territory. You are going where you’ve never been and doing things you’ve never done.

But you’ll figure it out. You have before, and you can do it again.  

Just because you don’t know what to do, doesn’t mean you don’t know what you’re doing. Keep moving forward.

In this post, I’ll focus more on insecurity, but it’s important to understand the origin and connectivity of both.

Five Everyday Signs of Insecurity:

1) Imposter Behavior

Do you struggle to be the real you? Perhaps fearful that people won’t accept you as you are? We all want people to think well of us, that’s natural, but it should not drive our behavior or shape our personality.

If you catch yourself in moments of inauthenticity, ask yourself why? Has people pleasing crept into the picture? It takes a crazy amount of energy to pretend and even try to be someone you are not. Candidly it’s a waste of time and its never fun.

We are all imperfect. You are a work in progress like the rest of us, but the real you is the best you.

2) Defensive Behavior

When we behave in a defensive manner, we are attempting to protect ourselves, our turf, and our sense of well-being, but defensiveness never helps.

Human beings protect out of fear or insecurity of what might happen or how we may be perceived. The concern is that somehow when the music stops, you have been reduced as a person and there is no seat for you at the table.

Instead of letting defensiveness get the best of you, take a deep breath, count to 10, and wait before you speak. Own the moment rather than allowing it to own you. Let it have its own space. Stay in the conversation, move toward understanding and solutions rather than reacting.

3) Unhealthy Competition

Competition is healthy and good. But it can become unhealthy.

When you find yourself unable to genuinely cheer for a fellow staff member, colleague or pastor of another church who is experiencing success that you aren’t — that’s unhealthy.

It’s natural to want to be successful. No one wakes up in the morning and thinks, “I hope I fail.” But unhealthy competition usually comes from insecurity and will eat your lunch every time. It gnaws at you from the inside. No one can see it, but you feel it, and it causes you behave differently.

Train hard, run well, but cheer for others who run faster.

4) Taking Yourself Too Seriously

Here’s a good principle to live by: Take God seriously, but don’t take yourself too seriously.

If you are thin-skinned, oversensitive, or can’t laugh at yourself, you will have difficulty as a leader. Lighten up a bit. Allow your imperfections to be part of what makes you unique and special.

Your work as a Christian leader is serious. What you do matters, but maintaining a light-hearted spirit is good for your soul.

5) Performance Oriented

The performance trap is easy to step into and tough to get out of. In the local church, a leader can receive considerable praise and reward for working hard, even overworking. This can and does take leaders out.

If you get caught up in the performance trap and attempt to overcome insecurity by achievement, there is no end to that vicious circle. No amount of work is enough.

Your security is in who you are, not what you do. When you are freed up to be you, you will become good at what you do. You don’t need to perform.

Four Steps to Help You Grow Through Insecurities

1) Give yourself permission to be yourself.

People like you best when you are the real you. Understand that not everyone will like you, that’s ok, but give yourself permission to be the authentic you. That’s how others connect with you and appreciate you for who you are.

This is not an excuse for lack of growth and improvement, but encouragement to become comfortable in your own skin. Life is so much more enjoyable lived out that way.

2) Take a risk and talk about it.

Most of us need a wise and trusted friend to help keep our insecurities at a minimum. Especially when leading in new territory.

Take a risk. Talk about it with someone who is strong, wise and cares about you. You don’t need to make it a big deal. Just talking about it can free you up in significant ways.

3) Identify the most common triggers

Learn your most common triggers to an insecure moment.

If you intentionally work on this, you will soon discover the key situations that have become common triggers for your insecurity. When you know what they are, it becomes much easier to learn to handle those situations in a better way and enables you to get in front of it.

This requires self-awareness and honesty on your part, but if you see it part of the path to freedom, it’s easy to embrace.

4) Remember who you are in Christ

Your relationship with Jesus is the true and great power to overcome insecurity.

Jesus restores the broken relationship, the part of our nature that makes us want to hide. His gift of grace is a new life, and with that comes the potential to overcome fear and insecurity.